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Y sin embargo hoy no tengo el control sobre mis sentimientos, sobre lo que siempre he mantenido encerrado con llave, sobre eso que no quiero que nadie vea, y aquí estoy otra vez intentando fingir, estoy tratando de darme cuenta que no puedo seguir ocultando mis temores y errores. Trato solo por esta vez de no esconderme más, ¿Por qué, que hay de malo en decir?, ¿Qué hay de malo en sentir?.
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08:26pm
21/10/07
Barquisimeto – Vzla
Pd: Pequeño homenaje a una escritora que con su “diario”, me cambio el mundo. Y con sus palabras sencillas, me hizo ver lo complicado del cariño entre personas. (Melissa P. Cien cepilladas antes de dormir).
No solo las niñas sueñan con ser princesas y vivir en cuentos de hadas, yo a veces pensé que era hijo de reyes, y que algún día sería príncipe, y viviría en un gran castillo, con grandes terrenos y muchos caballos, con armaduras oxidadas en algunos de los pasillos de la mansión, y sirvientes a mi disposición. Pero nada de eso se hizo realidad nunca, no llego ninguna carta, ni mensajeros reales a buscarme, a la final solo quedo resignarme.
Buscando amor, me entregue a la pasión creyendo que en algún punto entre el contacto nacerían caricias que fueran algo más que solo para matar el queso (que solo para matar las ganas). Al principió me pareció normal, al principió no le di importancia, pero después entre tanto y tanto, lo mucho se hizo poco, y la insensibilidad se apodero de mi cuerpo, ya ni por placer lo hacía, quizás solo para satisfacerlas, pero más nada podía pasar.
Como las princesas, a veces yo también me peino cien veces, a ver si con eso me olvido de lo que vivo a diario, a ver si con eso mi sueño se vuelve realidad, y me convierto en príncipe, en príncipe de la verdad, a ver si la realidad deja de ser tan absurda, y deja de solicitarme cosas que nunca podré dar.
¿Cuántas veces he de cepillarme entonces?, ¿Cuántas máscaras he de cargar?, ¿Cuántos sueños no se volverán realidad?, ¿Debe importarme el llorar, o simplemente es una señal de mi propia mortalidad?. Pero entonces ¿Por qué nadie se da cuenta de que yo también siento?.
Uno se cansa, uno se cansa de siempre dar y dar y dar, y nunca recibir. Uno se cansa de poner cara feliz y por dentro ser miserable, uno se cansa de escribir cosas para ella, y darse cuenta que ella nunca existió, y nunca existirá, que simplemente lo otro que he escrito es una manera de llenar el vacío, ese maldito puesto que nunca será ocupado, esa silla en la mesa del comedor que nunca ha tenido un rostro, ese asiento en la sala que jamás será llenado por alguien, me canso y no tengo palabras para explicar que a lo mejor yo soy muy exigente conmigo mismo, y quizás todo esto sea culpa de ello, de mi patológica manera de siempre tener el control.
Y sin embargo hoy no tengo el control sobre mis sentimientos, sobre lo que siempre he mantenido encerrado con llave, sobre eso que no quiero que nadie vea, y aquí estoy otra vez intentando fingir, estoy tratando de darme cuenta que no puedo seguir ocultando mis temores y errores. Trato solo por esta vez de no esconderme más, ¿Por qué, que hay de malo en decir?, ¿Qué hay de malo en sentir?.
El cuerpo se quema, entre las ilusiones de amor en muchas camas, en muchos otros cuerpos, en casas de desconocidos, a la final gente que no me ama. Y lo único que espero, es que alguien al mirarme se de cuenta de lo que mis ojos quieren mostrar, se de cuenta de mi ganas de amar, ¿Qué importa el mundo y sus absurdos?, lo más probable es que la soledad me está destruyendo, ya lo único real es la sensación de apacible tranquilidad que trae el olor de las sábanas de mi cama, un olor de un tiempo que ya no existe más, y que impaciente se mezcla con el absurdo presente. Cien cepilladas es lo único que me queda, y los cabellos que raídos que se desquebrajan de mi cabeza, cien cepilladas que me inducen a un mundo de ensueño, olvidando la verdad.
Antes de dormir, estoy más lejos de lo que quiero encontrar, de lo que jamás podré estar. Irracional, incomprensible, ilógica se vuelve la vida… Y amar se vuelve más difícil, aunque nunca fue más fácil de lo que es ahora. Nula simplemente nula, invalidad y terminada, es la racionalidad que acompaña el actuar. Ya estoy harto de buscar y nada poder encontrar, estoy harto de ser y en el fondo no ser lo que quisiera ser, peleando por excusas y excusando peleas, para que a la final nada valga la pena, y para que ni siquiera exista la luz de un cariño sincero.
Cepíllate el pelo, y apaga la luz, olvida lo paradójico… Olvida la realidad que se vuelva absurda cuando trata de ser verdad. Olvida que algún día podré amar, cien cepilladas nada más.
08:26pm
21/10/07
Barquisimeto – Vzla
Pd: Pequeño homenaje a una escritora que con su “diario”, me cambio el mundo. Y con sus palabras sencillas, me hizo ver lo complicado del cariño entre personas. (Melissa P. Cien cepilladas antes de dormir).
38 comentarios:
verdad que es un buen libro? :)
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hola luis, pasando por aki por tu blog, bueno te cuento que yo tengo un blog desde hace tiempo y actualmente estoy haciendo uno nuevo en conjunto con mi mejor amiga casualidad ella vive en tu ciudad barquisimeto te dejo los links y seguimos en contacto, sigue escribiendo que lo haces genial...
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww por que sos asiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!! tenia tiempo sin verte por aca por tenia tiempo sin pasar por aca...pero me encontre con esta sorpresita, yo se que hay gente que me entiende...yo se que ex isten lamentablemente nos escondemos y no nos juntamos...jojo me siento muy identificada contigo te escribo desde ahorita la clase de informatica ...jejejje que ocio! no? weno pasate por mi blog y critica "mi cancion" jojojo!
disfruta de tu dia y siempre sonrie.... jamas te dejes vencer por tu realidad por que gente como nosotros es de un pais de maravilla !!
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Recordé eso que no escribí yo pero que adopto como mío.
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(en venezuela hay un sitio exactamente mochima,Cumana, donde el agua de la playa es roja y muy salada no dejes que tu corazon s etiña de este color, vales mucho)!!!!
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oie una pregunta : cada vez que voy a Barquisimeto, siempre veia a la divina pastora en otro sitio, no muy lejos de su monumento pero la veia movida y eso que yo vivi 3 años alla
sera cosa mia?? XD
espero haberte echo botar una sonrisita tonta con mi estupidez XD
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwgggg me estas asustando!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no has publicado mas!
hey la verdad es mui lindo
lo q escribiste
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leerlo pero no tengo la plata para
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desde me encato tu escrito
te dejo mi blogspot
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If you are a single guy and aren't the prime at obtaining a lot less meeting women and are wondering where you may visit find and meet a woman, then these ten reasonable guidelines on how to fulfill a woman along at the mall, should certainly appear in mighty handy.
1 - Go to your food court. Believe it or not, the meals court will be the absolute easiest position inside mall to fulfill a gal. Here's what you do. Pick a meals place and get in line for your meal. Whereas you should be in line, take a look all-around the location wherever every person is seated and eating. Take a look for any girlfriend seated alone, as well as two women sitting together. When you could have your meal in hand, walk above to exactly where she or they are seated and find out if you are able to join them. If you're truthful and straightforward with them, your chances are rather beneficial.
2- Do some pondering. Before you even contemplate going with the local mall to fulfill a girl, sit yourself down and do some critical pondering. Take into consideration how you could come in contact with a lady and what you would possibly say to her if that you're productive. Take into consideration which components belonging to the shopping mall you'd probably visit. Also, you are going to will need to purchase anything even when there, what do you will need? Last but not least, have a look at what meeting a lady inside a public destination entails. Undoubtedly you can expect to have to take a look for the wedding ring in advance of speaking to some girlfriend, and you will must look into if it is wiser to speak into a young lady alone or one who is with other people. Eventually, you are likely to have to become reasonable about your personal age along with the ages of your toddler you want to fulfill. As in, you are going to will need to tell on your own for being reasonable and do not attempt to fulfill ladies that are significantly younger or older than you're the one, or that search out of one's league.
three - Ask for be of assistance. Once you can be in conclusion along at the mall, 1 of your tactics to fulfill women is by asking them for allow. Women know that men have no suggestion what they are really accomplishing when they are purchasing, so asking for aid will not appear this kind of a ridiculous idea. Request boost in picking out a jacket for on your own one example is. Executing so let's the woman know that you simply are single. If she agrees to help you, check with her other queries as you grab varied jackets to consider on.
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ShoppingBlogging.com - [url=http://www.shoppingblogging.com]Online Shopping[/url] for Christmas
It appears each and every yr folks begin hunting previously and previously for Christmas. Final yr I started out on the starting of October and had all of the provides wrapped from the end from the month. This yr I started out even sooner to carry benefit of the handful of outlets providing mid yr revenue.
Visit Now : Shopping Online
Why Store Previously
Looking previously has two major benefits - obtaining improved discounts and avoiding the vacation rush. However it has its drawbacks as well. A good deal of toy and game producers specially, only launch their most recent items quite near towards the holidays. This signifies that if you're heading to store within the center from the 12 many weeks, you won't have the ability to obtain the most up-to-date things about the marketplace. One way to acquire roughly this would be to pre-order. In reality pre-ordering merchandise may well even fetch you discount rates and totally free presents.
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But in various instances, in the event you maintain your eyes open, you can actually get superior discounts through the slow or off season, retail smart. Numerous mobile phone producers launch their newest types through the center of your yr. This indicates that previous designs is going to be heading at rock bottom costs about two many weeks prior to the launch with the replacement.
Some men and women carry buying previously for the severe but searching proper following the holidays for your future holidays. Post vacation revenue are occasionally even greater than pre-holiday revenue as departmental merchants make an effort to obvious excess stock by providing ridiculous deals.
Needful Adjustments
Moving up Christmas browsing a handful of several weeks will take just a bit adjustment, spending budget smart, specially for the duration of the earliest yr within the timetable alter. Nonetheless it doesn't carry a good deal to acquire used to it. Its just a matter of preserving to some set routine of placing slightly money apart for shows.
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Apart from producing purchases through product sales, acquiring in bulk can conserve you quite a lot of money. Its often fine to break recipients into a couple of groups principal - near household, loved ones, near pals, close friends, colleagues - you receive the concept. Performing so makes it possible for you to organize your choosing more effective. That mentioned I only have two recipient groups - instant spouse and children users and other people.
Obviously you'll desire to purchase far more individual and thoughtful presents for any men and women closer for you. But for far more generic presents, I recommend pack purchasing, which can be just like pack hunting, only nicer.
Pack browsing right here suggests gathering a few of acquaintances with comparable buying lists after which acquiring in bulk to carry benefit of economies of scale. I usually pack store with two other persons in terms of generic presents. You'll locate that you are able to get fundamentally great presents like wine glasses at genuinely wonderful rates whenever you pack store.
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